The Gentleman's Game

 Undoubtedly if you’re Indian, cricket is something that gets you to the TV screens as surely as a melodramatic Bollywood film and more importantly keeps you glued to it till it’s over. And why shouldn’t it? As Shashi Tharoor puts it, although cricket was brought to India by the British yet it is more inherently Indian than any other sport (for details read Tharoor’s “The Elephant, The Tiger & The Cellphone”) and indeed Indians took to it like a cat to milk that has culminated into 7 World cup successes (including 4 u-19 World Cups).

However notwithstanding the romanticism that the simple act of smashing a red sphere with a wooden plank into a crowd of people or hitting 3 wooden sticks down with a red sphere evokes, cricket has changed a lot from what it’s founders possibly envisioned. Watching a match featuring young Indian turk Virat Kohli or the slightly more experienced Gautam Gambhir is not too different from watching an expletive laden Tarantino movie with a generous sprinkling of references to mothers and sisters dominating the respective players’ mouths. In fact the use of fingers to alter the grips on the ball and hence spin or swing it is comparatively lesser than the use that “one of them” is regularly put to, to allow the tension building up throughout the body to escape miraculously through one raised finger aimed at the worthy opponents or in some cases even the paying spectators. 

Sledging is not new in cricket or for that matter in any other sports and without sledging the game would perhaps not be what it is today where winning the mental battles are as important as winning the physical battles but today sadly sledging today consists mainly of the rampant use of the four letter word beginning with ‘f’ and ending with ‘k’ (for those who still don’t get it, it’s not “fork”) and colourful Indian language that would make even Bollywood scriptwriters blush with shame. 

Now, agreed that on the cricket field during a cricket match, cricket should take centre stage but a little banter never hurts, does it? Or maybe it does …but breaking down the opponent mentally before destroying him physically is not an altogether bad idea in today’s extremely competitive world. And the fun lies in the fact that not always does it work, sometimes leading to a rather interesting repartee on the cricket field like this little gem from the great Sir Vivian Richards.

 In a county game against Glamorgan , Greg Thomas attempted to sledge him after he had played and missed at several balls in a row. He informed Richards,” It’s red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering." Richards hammered the next delivery out of the cricket grounds and into a nearby river. Turning to the bowler, he commented, “Greg, you know what it looks like, now go and find it."

 

Sir Vivian Richards was a ruthless punisher of those who sledged him but that did not deter him from having a go himself!

 

To ease the pressure on himself, Gavaskar had decided to come lower down the order and bat at No. 4 for a 1978 Test match in Kolkata but Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. Richards cheekily remarked, “Man, it don’t matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero.” 

Although debate still rages as to the origin of sledging, yet one can be fairly sure that the Australians the one of the best exponents of this art, a factor definitely that played a major role in their rise to cricketing power in the 90s.One particular Australian who used his acerbic tongue to great use was Merv Hughes, known more for his moustache than his on-field exploits. His banter with English batsman Robin Smith during the 1989 Lords Test is now a part of cricketing lore.

Continually beating Smith’s bat during the match Hughes remarked “If you turn your bat over you’ll see the instructions on the back.” following it up with a more sedate, “You can’t bat.” after Smith had missed again. The next ball however Smith had his answer ready, both with bat and mouth. Hitting Hughes to the fence for a boundary, he wisecracked, “Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t bat and you can’t bowl’”

Another particularly vitrolic exchange took place during the 2001 Ashes between Mark Waugh and little known English batsman James Ormond. Upon his arrival at the crease during the match, Waugh had a go at the youngster, “….look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England.” Without missing a beat, Ormond casually turned around and said, “Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family”

This list of interesting exchanges between players who tried their best to replace brainless jocks as poster boys of sports through their wit cannot be complete without a final incident which marked the beginning of an enigma called Tendulkar. In an unofficial match against Pakistan, a 16-year old Sachin was constantly jeered and mocked by the Pakistani supporters with placards :”Hey kid, go home and drink milk’. Tendulkar in his inimitable fashion chose to answer with his bat as he sent Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover hitting two sixes in one over. The legendary Abdul Qadir challenged Tendulkar, “Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me” Silently, Tendulkar answered Qadir’s request with four sixes in the over. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6, 6, 6 by the time a legend was born.

Whether the answer is with the bat, the mouth or with mere actions (who can forget Dada removing his jersey and whirling it over his head with utter disdain on the balcony of the Mecca of cricket as an apt answer to Andrew Flintoff doing the same in Mumbai after scripting an incredible English victory!) repartee surely spices up the cricket. Unfortunately witty interactions between cricketers are virtually non-existent in today’s age and sadly sledging has been reduced to a much-maligned act after the Monkeygate incident.

Perhaps the Gentleman’s game has been corroded beyond recognition or maybe when winter’s here can spring be far behind? On that hopeful note, the cricketing world awaits another Merv Hughes or Sir Vivian Richards. Sadly, a Sachin Tendulkar it might never get again!

The Mahabharata- An Ode to the Future

It may amaze many to hear me saying this but my favourite book even today remains one that was written earlier than most others – the Mahabharata. Before anyone mistakes me for a forlorn widower who is in a committed relationship with his religion or a religiously fanatical Hindu who is strapped in a static whirlpool of dogmas and beliefs, might I also add that I’m almost 19 and an ex-student of a reputed missionary school in one of the biggest and most open-minded metros of a developing nation!

What attracts me to the Mahabharata or for that matter attracts it to me is it’s futuristic appeal. Written more than a thousand years ago, the Mahabharata stands obstinately as an ode to the future. Although doubts may remain as to the truthfulness of the entire classic –the divinity of Krishna for instance or the fact that the Pandavas were borne through religious orgasms with specific Gods rather than sexual orgasms –yet the story and it’s elements remain as relevant today as it did for the past centuries.

The fact that the Mahabharata was way ahead of it’s times comes across clearly through the many aspects of the story which continue to pleasantly surprise me with every read. The fact that 100 Kaurava babies were conceived in the womb of their mother Gandhari is unthinkable and as the Mahabharata puts it, impossible. Hence according to the story they were conceived in earthen pitchers- a fact which is consistent as many students of medicine will recognize with the present day practice of IVF (In-Vitro fertilization) or “test-tube baby” to the layman for which Dr. Robert J Edwards received a Nobel Prize as late as the 21^st century.

The concept of nuclear weapons though only blown to frightening proportions during and after the 2^nd World war, existed during the time the Mahabharata was composed although the warriors and the readers would have identified nuclear weapons as the highly destructive “Brahmastra “which in an uncannily similar fashion to a hydrogen bomb required a set of codes (which the warriors uttered as a “mantra”) to unleash it’s power. In fact the fact that the weapon without the code was useless(as is the case with modern day nuclear weapons) becomes clear when towards the end of the 18-day war Karna forgets the codes and hence is unable to unleash the “Brahmastra” on Arjun in a moment of need. No wonder Hitler was in awe of the erstwhile Indian warriors!

The television invented by John L Baird in the early 20^th century is considered a fairly modern addition to the human life but in fact existed during and is mentioned in the Mahabharata. The fact that Sanjay, the aide of the blind king Dhritarashtra could see everything that was going on in the battlefield while comfortably ensconced in the warmth and safety of the palace and hence relay the news to his majesty may be looked upon as the miracles of the “third eye” by many but in reality is a clear allusion to the idiot box that would be “re-invented” many centuries later.

One of my favourite films of 2012 was the path-breaking box office success “Vicky Donor” starring Ayushmann Khuranna as a sperm donor and as is mentioned in the film by Annu Kapoor who plays Dr. Chadha of the Fertility Clinic (a role which won him a Filmfare and a National Award),”Sperm donation is not new, it was there from the time of the Mahabharata where the sages and Brahmins performed the act which was mentioned as the utterance of mantras that led to the birth of children in infertile women as an euphemism to the real act” hence proving my point again.

Another very disturbing incident which has increased manifold in occurrence in recent months especially in Delhi and Kolkata is rape of women. Although seen by many politicians and society elders as an outcome of the modern facelift that Generation Y has received vis-à-vis shorter clothes and more show of skin, they tend to forget that rape was committed in the Mahabharata as well where Draupadi was raped in front of an assembly of kings and princes, elders and relatives by the lusting Dushashan and not a single of the people present there rose to help her although each of the Kshatriyas in attendance there were supposed to be the bravest people on the planet. It was in fact Krishna who came to his “friend” Draupadi’s rescue supplying her with a never-ending sari pulling which tired out Dushashan so much that he ultimately gave up. What the city elders and the pedantic white haired know-it-alls should also know is that India has been historically a land of less clothes and more skin show since the ancient times and the expression of a person’s individuality can in no way justify the dastardly act of rape.

Here I have listed only a few of modern day phenomena that the Mahabharata boasted of centuries ago. This list is in no way conclusive or exhaustive and the clairvoyance and prophetic clarity of the Mahabharata becomes clearer in the mention of abortion ,alarm clocks ,ultra-modern glass rooms in the build of the confusing House of Mirrors in amusement parks(the first of which was devised only in the early 20^th century),a solar eclipse choreographed from earth(something which the Chinese scientists achieved only in the later of the 1^st decade of the 21^st century)and much more. 

In fact what I have mentioned here are only those aspects of the Mahabharata which make it an ode to the future , the Mahabharata is a fantastic read not only because of this but also because it has in store every human emotion possible , subplots that cover almost all the problems that plagues humankind emotionally and mentally and of course concepts that show utter disdain for religious , national , social or regional boundaries .

The Mahabharata is my favourite novel because it defies time. If you enjoy films of any kind you’ll enjoy this so if you haven’t read it yet go give it a read. It has everything you could possibly want in a story book.